Two guys met in the middle of the desert. One was carrying a car door, the other an umbrella. The one with the car door said to the guy with the umbrella, "Why are you carrying that umbrella around, it isn't going to rain in the desert?" To which the guy with the umbrella replies,
"Yeah, but it keeps me out of the sun! By the way, why are you carrying around that car door, you don't even have a car to go with it?"
The guy with the car door says, "Yeah, well at least if I get too hot from the sun I can just roll down the window!"

Three buddies die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the pearly gates.
They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?
The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was the greatest doctor of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say... LOOK!!! HE'S MOVING!!!!!"

Dear Signor Direttore,

Now I am tella you the story how i was treated at your hotella. I am comma from Palermo as an engineer to Atyrau and stay as a younga
man at your hotella. When I comma in my room I see is no shit on my bed. How can I sleep with no shit on my bed?! I call down the
recepcione and tella: "I wanna shit". They tell me "Go to the toilet". I say "No, no I wanna shit in my bed". They say "you betta not
shit in your bed, you sonnawabitch". What is a sonnawabitch?!

I go down for ristorante for breakfast. I order bacon and eggs and two pisses of toast. I get only one pisse of toast. I tella
waitress and pointa to toast - "I wanna piss". She tella me "Go to the toilet". I say "No , no, I wanna piss on my plate". She then say
to me "you bloody fella not piss on the plate, you sonnawabitch". Second person who do not even know me and calle me sonnawabitch!!
What is a sonnawabitch!??

Later I go dinner into ristorante. spoon and knife is laid out but no fock. I tella waitress "I wanna fock" and she tella me " Sure,
everybody wanna fock". I tella her "No, no, you don´t understanda me, I wanna fock on the table". She then tella me " So you
sonnawabitch, wanna fock on the table? Get your ass out of here".
So I go to the recepcione and ask for the billa. I no wanna stay in this hotella no more. When i have pay the billa, the porter say to
me "Thank you, and peace on you". I say "Piss on you too, you sonnawabitch". I go back to Italy! I never more comma stay in your
hotella, you sonnawabitch.