Two guys met in the middle of the desert. One was carrying a car door, the other an umbrella. The one with the car door said to the guy with the umbrella, "Why are you carrying that umbrella around, it isn't going to rain in the desert?" To which the guy with the umbrella replies,
"Yeah, but it keeps me out of the sun! By the way, why are you carrying around that car door, you don't even have a car to go with it?"
The guy with the car door says, "Yeah, well at least if I get too hot from the sun I can just roll down the window!"


A widower who never paid any attention to his wife while she was alive now found himself missing her desperately. He went to a psychic' to see if he could contact his late wife. The psychic went into a trance. A strange breeze wafted through the dark-ened room, and suddenly, the man heard the unmistakable voice of his dearly departed wife. "Honey!" he cried. "Is that you?" "Yes, my husband." "Are you happy?" "Yes, my husband." "Happier than you were with me?" "Yes, my husband."
"Then Heaven must be an amazing place!" "I'm not in Heaven, dear."


A young polar bear asks his father, "Dad, am I 100% polar bear?"
The father bear responds, "Well, son, I am all polar bear, your mother is all polar bear, your grandparents, even your great grandparents are 100% polar bear. So yes, son, you are 100% polar bear. Why do you ask?"
The young polar bear replies, "Because I am really cold!"

After trying a new shampoo for the first time, Morris mailed off an enthusiastic letter of approval' to the manufacturer. Several weeks later he came home from work to a large carton in the middle of the floor. Inside were free samples of the many products the same company produced: soaps, detergents, tooth paste, and paper items... with a "thank you" note from the manufacturer.
"Well, what do you think?" asked his smiling wife.
"I think that next time," Morris replied. "I'm writing to General Motors."