Let me add one anecdote more, for I like it very much:
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender says to him, 'You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time.' The Irishman replies, 'Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we all drank together. 'The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, 'I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.' The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a lights dawns in his eye and he laughs. 'Oh, no, ' he says, 'Everyone is fine. I've just quit drinking!
I shoul say I live well enough. I am probably a happy person because in the morning I go to my work willingly and I am glad to go home after my work. I am not sure I had reached great achievements. As for my modest achievements - I had reached them via everyday work... more than 40 years long.
Whether I love people? They are very different, and I love the people, whose good qualities prevail over the bad ones. But nobody is perfect, and I am not an exclusion!
I love my wife. I love my granddaughter and they all love me back.
I love our garden I had grown for the last sixteen years. I feel it loves me back too!
The only thing I'd like to have more is the health. Sadly, it doesn't improve with age!
You Exion are right. About one year ago I entered one British site. Its content and reputation were doubtful. I was the only Russian person there and wanted to improve my English a little bit. Soon I become the most popular member of that site. I wrote some anecdotes, fictions and real stories have been occurred in my life. Many English-speaking members praised my English and everyone wanted to speak Russion as good as I spoke English. The same time everyone felt my Russian accent. I think good speaking is not enough, for we need a good spelling more! And all the life long maybe not enough for this good spelling!
Thanks Exion, but let me object to this. We should aim at perfection as a self-respecting persons! The deeper is our knowledge in English, the better we are understandable for others.
But good grammar is not enough for the good understanding. Modern English is full of slang words (four-letter ones included) and I cannot understand it well by ear. We need a practice. I am not sure these posts are a good practice. I think the chat intercommunication is much more useful for our fluent English. And the oral speech via Skype or something like is the best!
It was in 1984. I went to the foreign voyage to Vietnam aboard the huge lighter-carrier “Julius Fuchik”. The captain of a ship kept to the credo – NO WOMAN ABOARD. All seamen free of watch could get a tan in the birthday suit. When I returned home I renewed visiting the swimming pool. All my friends, having seen me in shower-room, were wondered and admired my even tan I have got during that one-month voyage.
My young friend Exion, I was familiar to one fellow who had sexual relationships with more than 100 girlfriends. He had picked up the STD many times. But every time his mother saved him, for she was a doctor. Somewhere on the second hundred of partners this guy got married. But his marriage life appeared to be not as successful as you Exion imagine. He couldn’t quit two-timing and the conjoints had lastly divorced.
The conclusion: Don’t loose the sense of proportion!
Exion, two years ago being in Moscow I've bought Sony digital camera (DSC P200). It records both movie and sound. Since then I've practiced in making movie. My PC runs on Win XP (3-rd SP) operating system, and I use the standard its application "Windows Movie Maker". I try filming with best resolution (640 x 480), and save the film with quality of 1500 kb/s.
Yes, the quality is not excellent, but quite fit!
Ha-ha! Well Exion! One more upon this theme:
Joe has been seeing a psychoanalyst for four years for treatment of the fear that he had monsters under his bed. It had been years since he had gotten a good night's sleep. Furthermore, his progress was very poor, and he knew it. So, one day he stops seeing the psychoanalyst and decides to try something different.
A few weeks later, Joe's former psychoanalyst meets his old client in the supermarket, and is surprised to find him looking well-rested, energetic, and cheerful. "Doc!" Joe says, "It's amazing! I'm cured!"
"That's great news!" the psychoanalyst says. "you seem to be doing much better. How?"
"I went to see another doctor," Joe says enthusiastically, "and he cured me in just ONE session!"
"One?!" the psychoanalyst asks incredulously.
"Yeah," continues Joe, "my new doctor is a behaviorist."
"A behaviorist?" the psychoanalyst asks. "How did he cure you in one session?"
"Oh, easy," says Joe. "He told me to cut the legs off of my bed."
Very witty indeed!
I have opened this thread with a chess anecdote. Please evaluate one more:
A nifty joke hade played Emmanuel Lasker to a conceited chess amateur. It was in the compartment of the train. The amateur, not having known the great chess maestro is before him, offered to play chess while away the time.
- How strong do you play? – He inquired.
- Oh, very mediocre! – Lasker answered.
- Then, in order to equalize the chances I’ll take away my queen from the chessboard, - otherwise the lay would be not interesting for me.
- As you like. But it seems to me that the queen just prevents to play, - said Lasker.
- You are way out on chess indeed! – said amateur and, having taken the queen away from the chessboard, began chess game.
Lasker, having put under one figure after another intentionally, had lost.
- I give up! – He said. – I was still right and if you permit me, I’ll prove that it is much easier to act without the queen.
- Some people have an ignorant outlook on chess! – The amateur began to regret that he commenced the play but decided to be lenient. – Well, do try!
Now Lasker took the queen away from the chessboard. And wan.
- There you are, - continued Lasker, - the matter is not in strength of the play. I noticed for a long time ago: who plays without queen has much more advantages! Let’s check it one more!
And he repeated one more this mystification that had refuting all the chess laws. His partner got quite embarrassed!
On Monday Fred, an old country farmer, bought a mule from Luke, another old farmer, for $100. Luke promised to deliver the mule the next day.
On Tuesday Luke drove up and said, "Sorry, Fred, but I have some bad news. The mule died."
Fred: Well, then, just give me my money back.
Luke: Can't do that. I went and spent it already.
Fred: Well, OK then. Just unload the mule.
Luke: What ya gonna do with a dead mule?
Fred: I'm going to raffle him off.
Luke: You can't raffle off a dead mule!
Fred: Sure I can. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.
Several days later the two farmers meet up.
Luke: Whatever happened with that dead mule?
Fred: I raffled him off just like I said I would. Sold 500 tickets at $2 each!
Luke: Didn't anyone complain?
Fred: Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.
"I have good news and bad news for you," said God to Adam.
"Tell me the good news first," asked Adam.
"I gave your two organs. One is called a brain. It makes you clever, allows to create new things and have intelligent conversations. The other organ is called a penis. It allows you to give children to Eve, and your off-spring will populate the whole planet."
"Thank you, really good news! But what are the bad ones?"
"Unfortunately, these two organs cannot work simultaneously..."
It is naturally!
You Exion will probably ask me: Why nothing good?
Well, the love itself enriches the soul and mind; it impels the person to good actions and creative work! It makes the person to grow better. It makes the person be more generous, more tolerant. And everything may be well till the loving people stay together. But… never part with your beloved! Because the parting is too hard testing for the love, believe me! One can say: the true love does not fear the parting! I’ll answer: yes, but in some cases only and not always at all.
I have remembered my first experience of bathing naked. It was in 2006. My wife, granddaughter (that time she was 8 years old) and I drove to the sea shore to have a rest with tent overnight stay. We swam, lay in the sun, and flew a kite. I gathered some shellfishes in the sea and made meal on the fire. There was a lot of wood on a shore and we have no problem with fire-wood. It was getting dark. The moon rose. My wife offered: let’s have a bath naked! Granddaughter and I agreed. We took all the textiles off and enter warm and tender sea water. I felt wonderful and unusually pleasant stroking of waves. I shall never forget this pleasant bathing. By the way our granddaughter saw the naked male for the first time. And she liked this bath very much too! After that bathing her behavior became much better!
I think you are master your spoken English via ICQ. This will allow you to reach more fluent and spontaneous speech. The other way is to register on the native English forum and get accustomed to the genuine modern English. But sadly, the modern English is full of slang and has no common with the language of great Shakespeare!
Here is one more:
"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."
- "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
- "I know all that."
-"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
- "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
You Michelle are probably right. The love makes wonders! The love induces the person to the great work, it discovers his best talents!
For example, the famous Soviet composer Isaac Dunaevsky had created his best musical works being fallen in great love with Lidia Smirnova.
On the other hand, the unshared love may lead to the hard consequences: the famous Netherlands painter Vincent van Gogh had cut himself his right ear off.
But in my opinion, everyone needs both to love and to be loved. I think I am lucky enough! (Knock on wood!). And let you all be happy in your love too!
I know well what are you DesperRADA speaking about! I have experienced such strong feelings for one year long. She lived in the UK. We were both married. But we were not going to leave our families! We had no serious intensions. We intercommunicated in the chat "one-to-one" almost every day. These chats acted on me like narcotics, like an adhesive web! As we missed one onother very much we began writing love letters via E-mail. Unfortunately, we had gone too far... Lastly I had to stop our meetings for the sake of my family that I treasure very much. I'll never repeat such agonizing mistake more!
For what purpose am I telling you my story? Because I believe in the strong relationship in distance!
You both are free, and nothing prevents your good relations for the future! I wish you to be happy!
It was in 1992. Our ship entered the Greece Port of Elefsis with the cargo of paper. I had never been before to Greece, and I decided to go to Athens. No sooner said than done! I went ashore and got the bus to get Athens. It was hot enough in spite of November. I noticed in the bus one middle-aged woman, she was dressed in the black and differed very much from the others. The bus brought me to the center of the city. Certainly, I went to Acropolis, for I dreamt to see the memorials of the ancient Ellas. I reached the Parthenon and made some photos. The time flew quickly and I should return to the ship. I went back but I couldn’t find the way to the bus. I got lost my way! I attempted to find my bus stop but everything was in vain! Suddenly I met in the street that woman in the black. I spoke to her and explained that I have lost my way. She smiled, took the city-map from the handbag and commenced to explain me the proper way. But I was afraid to not remember her explanation. Then she gave me her plan: “Keep it please!”
- No, I cannot take your plan. – I said.
- Take it; feel free, for I have one more! – The woman consoled me.
- Thank you very much, you are so kind! Let me kiss you! – And I kissed her cheek.
That woman came here from Germany. Her black dress showed she was in mourning after her husband’s death. She went to the journey in order to have distracted from her great grief. I don’t remember her name, but I keep her city-map of Athens with my all thankfulness.
Naked back (true story)
I have remembered how my brother and me were at Yalta during the cruise aboard the m/v “Ossetia” around the Black Sea in 1962. That time we went to Gurzuf (resort place) with the group. We bathed and lay in the sun. The departure of the ship was planned at 3:00 PM. The passenger cutters brought the people from Yalta to Gurzuf and back. It was time to go to the ship, but I couldn’t find my shirt. We attempted to penetrate to a cutter without shirt, but were not allowed (Oh, what order!). We were afraid to miss the ship, and my resourceful brother threw the flax towel on my shoulders in such a way that I tucked its ends into my trousers. In front I appeared well, as if I was dressed in the stylish shirt. But my back was naked at all! Nevertheless this time we were allowed to the cutter and got our ship in due time. And my shirt... it was taken along accidentally by the other members of our group.
Russian
Have you ever red indeed
Such a verse? Please read you it!
I’ve composed for you this thing
In your honor, due to spring.
On account of Women’s Day
I should like some words to say.
Dear merry charming dove!
Let your life be full of love!
Be you healthy, darling friend
all the life without end.
Live you under clear sky.
Always smile and never cry!
I wish nothing in reply.
Live you always! Never die!
Not too strictly judge you me.
Am I fond of you? - May be!
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender says to him, 'You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time.' The Irishman replies, 'Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we all drank together. 'The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, 'I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.' The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a lights dawns in his eye and he laughs. 'Oh, no, ' he says, 'Everyone is fine. I've just quit drinking!
Whether I love people? They are very different, and I love the people, whose good qualities prevail over the bad ones. But nobody is perfect, and I am not an exclusion!
I love my wife. I love my granddaughter and they all love me back.
I love our garden I had grown for the last sixteen years. I feel it loves me back too!
The only thing I'd like to have more is the health. Sadly, it doesn't improve with age!
But good grammar is not enough for the good understanding. Modern English is full of slang words (four-letter ones included) and I cannot understand it well by ear. We need a practice. I am not sure these posts are a good practice. I think the chat intercommunication is much more useful for our fluent English. And the oral speech via Skype or something like is the best!
The conclusion: Don’t loose the sense of proportion!
Yes, the quality is not excellent, but quite fit!
Joe has been seeing a psychoanalyst for four years for treatment of the fear that he had monsters under his bed. It had been years since he had gotten a good night's sleep. Furthermore, his progress was very poor, and he knew it. So, one day he stops seeing the psychoanalyst and decides to try something different.
A few weeks later, Joe's former psychoanalyst meets his old client in the supermarket, and is surprised to find him looking well-rested, energetic, and cheerful. "Doc!" Joe says, "It's amazing! I'm cured!"
"That's great news!" the psychoanalyst says. "you seem to be doing much better. How?"
"I went to see another doctor," Joe says enthusiastically, "and he cured me in just ONE session!"
"One?!" the psychoanalyst asks incredulously.
"Yeah," continues Joe, "my new doctor is a behaviorist."
"A behaviorist?" the psychoanalyst asks. "How did he cure you in one session?"
"Oh, easy," says Joe. "He told me to cut the legs off of my bed."
I have opened this thread with a chess anecdote. Please evaluate one more:
A nifty joke hade played Emmanuel Lasker to a conceited chess amateur. It was in the compartment of the train. The amateur, not having known the great chess maestro is before him, offered to play chess while away the time.
- How strong do you play? – He inquired.
- Oh, very mediocre! – Lasker answered.
- Then, in order to equalize the chances I’ll take away my queen from the chessboard, - otherwise the lay would be not interesting for me.
- As you like. But it seems to me that the queen just prevents to play, - said Lasker.
- You are way out on chess indeed! – said amateur and, having taken the queen away from the chessboard, began chess game.
Lasker, having put under one figure after another intentionally, had lost.
- I give up! – He said. – I was still right and if you permit me, I’ll prove that it is much easier to act without the queen.
- Some people have an ignorant outlook on chess! – The amateur began to regret that he commenced the play but decided to be lenient. – Well, do try!
Now Lasker took the queen away from the chessboard. And wan.
- There you are, - continued Lasker, - the matter is not in strength of the play. I noticed for a long time ago: who plays without queen has much more advantages! Let’s check it one more!
And he repeated one more this mystification that had refuting all the chess laws. His partner got quite embarrassed!
On Tuesday Luke drove up and said, "Sorry, Fred, but I have some bad news. The mule died."
Fred: Well, then, just give me my money back.
Luke: Can't do that. I went and spent it already.
Fred: Well, OK then. Just unload the mule.
Luke: What ya gonna do with a dead mule?
Fred: I'm going to raffle him off.
Luke: You can't raffle off a dead mule!
Fred: Sure I can. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.
Several days later the two farmers meet up.
Luke: Whatever happened with that dead mule?
Fred: I raffled him off just like I said I would. Sold 500 tickets at $2 each!
Luke: Didn't anyone complain?
Fred: Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.
"Tell me the good news first," asked Adam.
"I gave your two organs. One is called a brain. It makes you clever, allows to create new things and have intelligent conversations. The other organ is called a penis. It allows you to give children to Eve, and your off-spring will populate the whole planet."
"Thank you, really good news! But what are the bad ones?"
"Unfortunately, these two organs cannot work simultaneously..."
You Exion will probably ask me: Why nothing good?
Well, the love itself enriches the soul and mind; it impels the person to good actions and creative work! It makes the person to grow better. It makes the person be more generous, more tolerant. And everything may be well till the loving people stay together. But… never part with your beloved! Because the parting is too hard testing for the love, believe me! One can say: the true love does not fear the parting! I’ll answer: yes, but in some cases only and not always at all.
"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."
- "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
- "I know all that."
-"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
- "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
For example, the famous Soviet composer Isaac Dunaevsky had created his best musical works being fallen in great love with Lidia Smirnova.
On the other hand, the unshared love may lead to the hard consequences: the famous Netherlands painter Vincent van Gogh had cut himself his right ear off.
But in my opinion, everyone needs both to love and to be loved. I think I am lucky enough! (Knock on wood!). And let you all be happy in your love too!
For what purpose am I telling you my story? Because I believe in the strong relationship in distance!
You both are free, and nothing prevents your good relations for the future! I wish you to be happy!
- No, I cannot take your plan. – I said.
- Take it; feel free, for I have one more! – The woman consoled me.
- Thank you very much, you are so kind! Let me kiss you! – And I kissed her cheek.
That woman came here from Germany. Her black dress showed she was in mourning after her husband’s death. She went to the journey in order to have distracted from her great grief. I don’t remember her name, but I keep her city-map of Athens with my all thankfulness.
I have remembered how my brother and me were at Yalta during the cruise aboard the m/v “Ossetia” around the Black Sea in 1962. That time we went to Gurzuf (resort place) with the group. We bathed and lay in the sun. The departure of the ship was planned at 3:00 PM. The passenger cutters brought the people from Yalta to Gurzuf and back. It was time to go to the ship, but I couldn’t find my shirt. We attempted to penetrate to a cutter without shirt, but were not allowed (Oh, what order!). We were afraid to miss the ship, and my resourceful brother threw the flax towel on my shoulders in such a way that I tucked its ends into my trousers. In front I appeared well, as if I was dressed in the stylish shirt. But my back was naked at all! Nevertheless this time we were allowed to the cutter and got our ship in due time. And my shirt... it was taken along accidentally by the other members of our group.