Santa Claus, Santa Claus You Are Much too Fat
(Поется под музыку “Jingle Bells”)

I heard a reindeer hoof, then Santa dressed in red,
came crashing through the roof and landed on my bed.
I thought it was a dream, but quickly did I wake,
as soon as I heard Santa scream, “I want a piece of cake!”
Chorus
Oh, Santa Claus, Santa Claus, you are much too fat;
I was sleeping peacefully but now my bed is flat. Oh!
Santa Claus, Santa Claus, how much do you weigh?
I’m glad I’m not a reindeer that has to pull your sleigh!

He got up off the floor and said, “How do you do?”
I said, “My back is sore, my head is black and blue.”
“So sorry!” he replied, and then he asked my name.
He offered me a ride, I said, “No, thank you just the same!”
Chorus
I heard a “ho, ho, ho,” the sleigh was in the sky
but it was moving slow and wasn’t very high.
It wobbled in the air, I hoped it wouldn’t fall;
Said Santa, chewing cookies, “Merry Christmas, one and all!”
Chorus

Рождественские шутки

***
The 3 stages of man:
He believes in Santa Claus.
He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus.
He is Santa Claus.
***
Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A: Snowflakes.
***
Q: Why was Santa’s little
helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.
***
Q: What do you call a cat on the beach at
Christmastime?
A: Sandy Claus!

***
Q: What do you call people who are
afraid of Santa Claus?
A: Claustrophobic.

***
Q: What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh,
Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
A: Santa Claus caught in a revolving door.
***
Q: What kind of bird can write?
A: A PEN-guin.
Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter?
A: Because it is too far to walk.

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,
“What are you charged with?”
“Doing my Christmas shopping early”, replied the defendant.
“That’s no offence,” said the judge.
“How early were you doing this shopping?”
“Before the store opened,” countered the prisoner